when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize