omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
