so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
