Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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