ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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