After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
