My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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