four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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