can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
