You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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