did you get engaged???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize