she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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