we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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