Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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