Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
