maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize