Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Text me some of your sweat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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