u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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