4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
