She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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