did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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