I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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