I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
