I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
