in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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