He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
pray to the hookup gods
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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