I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I understand Curling. That high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
