She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize