I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
