So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
