New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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