He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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