I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
