Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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