So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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