Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
