have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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