I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
