I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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