if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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