Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize