At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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