cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
