haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
