the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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