i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
