90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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