Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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