I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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