you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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