I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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