8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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