so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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