1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
