My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
