worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
