My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
