I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
