My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
