theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
