You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
