I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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