I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
