Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
