Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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