I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
