I look better un-naked...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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