You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
