Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
