I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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