You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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