I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
