Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
