Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
